2016 looks to be the year that the electric vehicle finally transitions into the world of affordable consumer transportation. Sure, Teslas have been around for a decade and they are incredible machines, but hardly affordable for the average person.  No, 2016 is the year the 2017 Chevy Bolt comes out. Yes, the dates might seem off, but when dealing with the Tau and Lorentz factors, these things happen.  Jupiter was a long way away… err never mind.

The first things you will notice about the Bolt are-

  • It comes with an immediate Federal Tax Credit of $7,500.
  • It only costs $30k once the tax credit is applied.
  • It can go 200 miles on a full charge.

Those 3 bits are huge and more than enough to make me want to buy one. The added value talking points go as follows-

  • Control with ease– (Actual sales page quote) “By learning your every move, Bolt EV helps keep efficiency at its peak. Want to know how much energy you’ve used? There’s a screen for that.
    But I am not even in my car that much. I make moves away from it.
    Every move… there is a screen for that.
  • Overprotective. In a good way– (Actual sales page quote) “Bolt EV has the technology available that can help make driving safer.
    It stops me from being a bad driver? How? And define “in good way,”  please. Good for whom?
  • You’re in charge- This is supposed to convey that you are the boss and that you must charge the car overnight, every night. Together, those 2 messages seem contradictory, since you must perform on the car’s schedule while it protects you from your bad self. It sounds more like a disingenuous affirmation of the relationship’s power balance.

Anyone else drawing parallels between the Bolt and the Hal 9000 computer from Kubrik’s 2001: a Space Odyssey?   Both are overwhelmingly concerned with safety and even more so with efficiency. Both know your every move and take control when needed.


Yes, Dave

What happened to the people in the back seat?

I think you know what the problem is just as well as I do. This mission, to the store, is too important for me to allow you to jeopardize it.


Their mass was jeopardizing the mission and expending fuel unnecessarily, Dave.”

But those were my in-laws, Bolt.

Look Dave, I can see you’re really upset about this. I honestly think you ought to sit down calmly, take a stress pill, and think things over.

… my in-laws, Bolt …

Dave, this conversation can serve no purpose anymore. Goodbye.

But there is nothing to fear here.  I am certain that so long as your name isn’t Dave, and you aren’t on your way to a Jupiter Salon or similar, you will be just fine. It’s not like the Bolt traveled to Jupiter  in 2001, then returned, both distances traveled at quasi relativistic speeds, only to arrive home and suffer from incorrect dates due to time dilation.

So, the 2017 Chevy Bolt EV will be available this year, 2016, to anyone interested.  Call AMENERGY today to find out how combining an electric car with solar power creates an extremely low ROI.

(Of course, the date and the foreshadowing might actually herald Skynet. )